Another 45 minutes of exercise in. I can’t believe what a difference a couple of weeks can make. I got the ps4 Just Dance 2014 game, and it is fabulous. There are exercise routines, sweat mode, and calorie tracking. It is a game, one that gives you stars and trophies and instant feedback. Silly that, it took something like a game with instant gratification to get me moving again. I finally feel like I have broken through the barrier that was holding me back. I am determined to get a minimum of 30 minutes a day in, up to 1 hour. This seems to be working, both on the days that I go to work and the ones I don’t. This coupled with my food changes is radically altering my energy level, my weight loss and my overall fitness.
I have not felt so motivated to be fit in a long time. It never ceases to amaze me how simply “acting as if” can have such a transformation on my life. That by starting small, with something as simple as a “game” every day, is making me feel happier, more confident and more at peace. I finally feel like I got this.
I was dozing last night, when I had a random odd thought- travel nursing has freed me from the constraint of myself. How often do we get in a mode of being that caters to others expectations of who and what we should be? We get this idea of what nursing is, we go to school, we model ourselves after someone we admire, we get feedback from our managers that we are not meeting expectations but how often do we really get to be our most authentic selves?
This thought process was inspired by a talk I had with someone recently. I have been blessed to have met so many interesting awesome amazing people on my journeys. From random foursquare postings that have brought great friendships into my life, to coworkers whom I can honestly call friends. I have been exposed to all these truly wonderful characters, full of quirks and complexities. But what has been the most astounding is the discoveries I have made about myself. I have discovered that I am, in truth, a social person. I truly like people, and I enjoy talking with them. I am in fact, a happy person. I don’t have to be weighed down by my past, or my notions about myself. Which most of the time are based on old judgements and suppositions garnered from negative experiences. It is possible to let go, and step outside of yourself when you are not constrained by “what everyone thinks” or “how it has always been”. By being a new person in a new place, it allows the freedom and space to try out different aspects of myself, that maybe I would have been too afraid to try before. I am not worried about judgment or opinions when I am traveling. I can be the real authentic me in a way that is not possible when surrounded by people who have expectations based on how I have always been. I do not need to feel self conscious, because I can approach each experience new, without fear of reprisals or condemnation. What is the worst that can happen? Someone will spank me and take my birthday away? They don’t like me? They decide I am annoying beyond all reason? The reality is nobody can make me feel badly about me, except for me. It is truly liberating to be able to approach each new interaction without fear of rejection or results. to just be in the moment, full of possibilities, aware of my power to shape my experiences for the better. Maybe its a mid-life crisis thing, maybe because I am turning 40- I don’t know. but I am going to go with it. This is fun!