Well, I had another day at work. I ended up working again with the nurse described in my last post. The day was ok. Crazy as usual. The only different thing was I tried again to discuss these issues and find resolution. I spoke with my managers, and we all had a meeting together. it was an exercise in futility. The interesting thing is, it doesn’t really matter. At this point, I do not care if he changes or not. That is on him. It did clearly illustrate some core values that I have in conflict with my managers. I do not care for their style of management, or lack thereof. The take home point was that I made the decision to move on. I will hopefully continue in a PRN capacity at this hospital, but it is time for a new assignment.
So I spoke with my agency and there is something opening up in Edinburg exactly when I need it to. Everything seems to be falling into place. I will be interviewing hopefully today for that. Orientation week will be challenging as I am working the last week of my contract here and need to start there, but I am confident I will work it out. I may not sleep, but I will work it out.
I also went and chopped more of my hair off. It is a little shorter than I wanted, but it looks cute. My hair though is almost a metaphor for my life right now- I needed to get rid of the dead ends, and it will grow back. It had become damaged and hard to manage, but I was afraid to let it go. No more. I absolutely will not live in any kind of fear. I am the one who has to live with my hair, and myself. I cannot have it to please others. It is mine and belongs to me, just as my life and profession does. My new path of eating is also going well. It has been hard to find anytime to exercise, as my work schedule has been completely insane, but at least the food is on the right track. my daily calorie count has been between 1200-1500 calories pretty consistently. I need to watch and keep up with my water intake. when we get super busy at work that tends to drop off and I notice a difference. I also need a new scale, mine is possessed or something and give me a different reading every time.
I guess though ultimately I am feeling like things are changing for the better. I feel like I have found the “secret” so to speak, at least for me. I must stay in the moment, positive, embracing all things, and loving myself. Taking that care that I give to others and applying it to myself. I deserve to be treated with respect and care, I deserve to be happy healthy and whole. Because I am awesome, and the only person who can deny me that is myself.